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awmperryYou've seen Terminator: The Summer Glau Posterior-Kicking Chronicles, I presume? No? Well, go and do so instantly, for it is shiny. But anyway, the point is that it's a very good show, and now that they're into their second season the execs are doing their very best to make it not so good.
Oh, the show itself is still good; if anything, it's getting into its stride now. I'm still not sure I buy Lena Headey as Sarah Connor - she has some very big boots to fill - but the show's great. But a little spiel at the start has been tacked on, for those who left their attention spans in their other trousers and can't remember what happened before. Or who the characters are. Or a vague recollection of two of the most-watched sci-fi action films of the last quarter-century. So here it is:
No, I'm not making this up. They really recite that at the start of every bloody episode now.
So I started thinking. What if other shows did that?
Star Wars:
The scary thing is that that actually works quite well... Um. Okay, how about this:
The West Wing:
Harry Potter:
(Yeah, sorry... I couldn't keep up the typos to a realistic level.)
Lord of the Rings:
The Shield:
Never Mind The Buzzcocks:
The A-Team:
Oh, wait... that one worked.
Anyway, just before I wrap up, I just thought of something.
Remember Katrina and the Waves? Now, New Orleans was flooded by Hurricane Katrina, and all that water pouring in would have to count as waves, right?
Coincidence, or something far more sinister? Could still be coincidence, right?
But ponder this: if you look at water, what do you see reflected in it?
The sky, right?
Their big hit was "Walking On Sunshine".
I mean, I'm not saying anything, mind you, I'm just saying. Right?
1 (He's actually Chuck Norris under all that. He's forgotten how to speak, but that's why they refuse to play holographic gorilla chess with him.)
Oh, the show itself is still good; if anything, it's getting into its stride now. I'm still not sure I buy Lena Headey as Sarah Connor - she has some very big boots to fill - but the show's great. But a little spiel at the start has been tacked on, for those who left their attention spans in their other trousers and can't remember what happened before. Or who the characters are. Or a vague recollection of two of the most-watched sci-fi action films of the last quarter-century. So here it is:
"In the future, a computer programme called Skynet will declare war on the human race.
"Machines have travelled back in time, taking human form to terminate John Connor, the future leader of the resistance.
"Sarah Connor, John's mother, teacher and protector.
"Cameron, a Terminator reprogrammed to defend them at all cost.
"Derek Reese, John's uncle, and commanding officer with the resistance.
"Together, they fight to stop Skynet from ever being created. The battle for our tomorrow... starts today."
No, I'm not making this up. They really recite that at the start of every bloody episode now.
So I started thinking. What if other shows did that?
Star Wars:
"A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, one man sets out on a quest. To avenge his father. To find a princess. To bulls-eye womp rats in his T-16.
"These are the adventures of Luke Skywalker, galactic adventurer.
"Han Solo, his devil-may-care smuggler friend.
"Chewbacca, their indentured slave who hasn't been allowed a haircut since 1978.1
"R2-D2 and C-3PO, their trusty robot assistants.
"And Princess Leia Organa, the only one in the galaxy with half a brain.
"Together, they fight to redeem Luke's father and topple the evil emperor. The battle for the galaxy... has already begun."
The scary thing is that that actually works quite well... Um. Okay, how about this:
The West Wing:
"In the chambers of the mighty, an unseen evil stalks the corridors of power. Her name is Amy Gardner.
"Now, with HR1138 drawing near, a small band of intrepid underdogs must join forces or watch the world they know disintegrate.
"Jed Bartlet, the doddery professor and part-time President of the USA when he's not busy being endearing.
"Leo McGarry, the grumpy Irish-American chief of staff, whose rocky exterior hides a heart of gold.
"Toby, the communications director who can magically abbreviate any sentence to 'hmph', whose grouchy exterior hides a heart of gold.
"Josh and Donna Lyman, mild-mannered administrators by day and Bartlet's lethal assassins by night, whose fluffy banter hides a heart of gold. And Donna's, which is of titanium after that incident in Memphis that we don't talk about.
"Sam Seaborn, whose heart of gold hides an absolute arse who kicks puppies for fun. And accidentally sleeps with Dr House's boss because he didn't trip, or something.
"Together, they are the Bartlet administration. And with only 48 hours to the floor vote, they are the only ones who can stop Amy's villainous plans to outlaw Aero bars.
"The Gardner Files: The fight is on, and the clock is ticking.
Harry Potter:
"In 2007, a millian fan fic writters setn Harry Potter back in time to liek write the wrongs of his passed and have innuendo-laden conversations with leather-clad blond airheads. Now, sixteen years earlier, Hogwarts High School for prepubescent illiterates is filled with all those Harrys, and a ragtag band of misfits is the only thing that stands between them and gravitational collapse.
"Mary and Sue, cheerleader twins on an exchange programme from America.
"Hermione, disillusioned by Harry's insistence on giving her makeovers.
"Voldemort, the arch-villain who gave up evil after it turned out that Harry's love life didn't leave any screen time for world domination.
"These are the voyages of the magical ship Deus Ex Machina. Their continuing mission: to eliminate the excess Harrys from the timestream before the universe ruptures."
(Yeah, sorry... I couldn't keep up the typos to a realistic level.)
Lord of the Rings:
"It is a time of war. A new power rises in the east, threatening to destroy all that the gentle inhabitants of The Shire hold dear. Their fate rests in the hands of one hobbit, Frodo Baggins, as everyone else was busy having a snack. All alone, except for his eight or so friends and a few thousand of their closest cavalry chums, they are the last bulwark against the forces of EEEEEEEEEEVIL.
"Sam Gamgee, Frodo's gardener.
"Merry and Pippin, the plucky comic relief characters who somehow manage to survive the whole bloody thing.
"Gimli the dwarf, who doesn't give a toss. Mostly.
"Legolas the elf, who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
"Gandalf, the greatest wizard in Middle Earth, who joined Frodo while fleeing the debt collectors after he lost a copyright trial against Merlin.
"And Arwen, who looks good in a riding coat.
"As the Evil draws closer, these... are Frodo's Fellows."
The Shield:
"One man. Two women. One's a redhead with a gun and a badge, the other is his wife.
"Some guys fall in love with one girl; he's gone and fallen for two.
"These are the trials and tribulations of Vic Mackey, a cop in a tight spot, trying to do his job in a precinct gone mad.
"Shane, the wisecracking, grenade-totin' sidekick. Dutch, the lovable nerd who never gets it right.
"And Molotovian, the happy-go-lucky Armenian mob boss who sometimes cuts people's feet off.
"It's another day in Farmington. The Fun Farm."
Never Mind The Buzzcocks:
"The year is 2005, and a ragtag band of misfits fights to defeat the evil Lord Lamarr.
"They are Simon, the young farmboy on a mission to make the evil sorceress Britteneigh cry.
"Bill, the affable mountain troll who only wants to get his burrow back.
"Phill, the former captain of Lamarr's Palace Guard.
"And Athelstane The Mute, the silent and mysterious warrior who appears to help and fades back into the night.
"These are Simon's Buzzcocks. To TOTP... and beyond!"
The A-Team:
"In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. They promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
"Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
"If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...
"The A-Team."
Oh, wait... that one worked.
= = =
Anyway, just before I wrap up, I just thought of something.
Remember Katrina and the Waves? Now, New Orleans was flooded by Hurricane Katrina, and all that water pouring in would have to count as waves, right?
Coincidence, or something far more sinister? Could still be coincidence, right?
But ponder this: if you look at water, what do you see reflected in it?
The sky, right?
Their big hit was "Walking On Sunshine".
I mean, I'm not saying anything, mind you, I'm just saying. Right?
1 (He's actually Chuck Norris under all that. He's forgotten how to speak, but that's why they refuse to play holographic gorilla chess with him.)
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 12:16 pm (UTC)Accompanying him are his brave companions:
Rose, who fancies him.
Martha, who also fancies him.
Donna, who doesn't fancy him.
Mickey, who fancies Rose.
And Captain Jack, who fancies all of the above, consecutively or concurrently.
SEE! Someone else likes DW!
Date: 2008-10-03 03:12 pm (UTC)But thank you for making me laugh! Needed that =)
L xx
Oh they all work and you know it
Date: 2009-05-09 11:31 pm (UTC)Get the Network shows eating out of your talented hands already
The VERY scary thing IS...
they ALL kind of worked LOL!
Tash