Another New Year's Eve, And Taking Stock
Jan. 1st, 2007 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
awmperryAnother one been and gone. They aren't the thrill they were when I was a kid; perhaps not surprising, though I'm not sure why.
On the one hand, there's the forced jolliness, the requisite half-mumbled refrain of Auld Lang Syne, the tedious TV traditions; exactly the same procedure as every bloody year.
Then there's the fireworks. I love things that go bang, and I thoroughly enjoy a good fireworks show. But the fireworks we get at New Year's aren't good shows. They're a whole bunch of people firing things off any old how, lighting the wrong fuses, letting big mortars go off as groundbursts... It's dangerous, it's disorganised, and as a display goes there's no order or rhythm to it to make it enjoyable.
Not to mention that I find it very slightly offensive. All those people going out explicitly to say "Look, I've got enough money¹ to blow thousands of kronor on a half-hour aerial barbecue" - something that really rankles when I spend a week deciding whether or not to buy a magazine.
And then of course there's the disappointment; another year, during which absolutely nothing has changed. A script finished, but nothing more. Two airsoft games. A grandmother lost, no writing sold, several thousand pounds spent and effectively nothing to show for it. Still no job. A car not being maintained as well as it should be, another car mouldering in the drive. Three and a half houses in total upheaval and in dire need of tidying, renovating, redecorating, refurnishing or all the above.
And while many of them are attributable to other people, directly or indirectly - I'm not about to take the rap for Gran, for instance - ultimately the disappointment is that an awful lot of them would be different had I done something about it. Yes, I could get a job. I could sell a script. I could go out and get some friends. But I never will, because... well, that's a good question. Perhaps I've just got in the habit of not doing things.
But then I start thinking, and think, well, why the hell should I? The world is ruled by idiots, and populated by other idiots with interminable urges to poke holes in each other. It's entirely feasible, given the global political climate, at every New Year that nobody will see another, whether thanks to terrorism - religious or otherwise - or climate or rampant militarily-backed imperialism. For all we know, the lunatics peddling their extreme (and, arguably, false) view of Islam could incite a worldwide war which, with modern weaponry, could be over in days. The future is uncertain as at no other point since the Cuban Missile Crisis, and so, in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter if I get a job or not?
It's not helpful thinking, I know. Almost certainly the world will continue; almost certainly my depression will eventually clear and I'll be back to my old self (Wonder if I'll recognise me after all these years?); and with any luck, this summer will bring the most professional MP unit ever to grace an airsoft milsim game.
And so, with that rather elegant mixture of profound and superficial, of cynicism and optimism, of vague hope and absolute tedium, Happy New Year to you (all three of you), and here's hoping your coming year is better than the previous one.
¹ - Money, in this area, quite likely coming straight from the taxpayer. Social Security fraud in this particular suburb is rampant - something which adds (financial) injury to insult.
On the one hand, there's the forced jolliness, the requisite half-mumbled refrain of Auld Lang Syne, the tedious TV traditions; exactly the same procedure as every bloody year.
Then there's the fireworks. I love things that go bang, and I thoroughly enjoy a good fireworks show. But the fireworks we get at New Year's aren't good shows. They're a whole bunch of people firing things off any old how, lighting the wrong fuses, letting big mortars go off as groundbursts... It's dangerous, it's disorganised, and as a display goes there's no order or rhythm to it to make it enjoyable.
Not to mention that I find it very slightly offensive. All those people going out explicitly to say "Look, I've got enough money¹ to blow thousands of kronor on a half-hour aerial barbecue" - something that really rankles when I spend a week deciding whether or not to buy a magazine.
And then of course there's the disappointment; another year, during which absolutely nothing has changed. A script finished, but nothing more. Two airsoft games. A grandmother lost, no writing sold, several thousand pounds spent and effectively nothing to show for it. Still no job. A car not being maintained as well as it should be, another car mouldering in the drive. Three and a half houses in total upheaval and in dire need of tidying, renovating, redecorating, refurnishing or all the above.
And while many of them are attributable to other people, directly or indirectly - I'm not about to take the rap for Gran, for instance - ultimately the disappointment is that an awful lot of them would be different had I done something about it. Yes, I could get a job. I could sell a script. I could go out and get some friends. But I never will, because... well, that's a good question. Perhaps I've just got in the habit of not doing things.
But then I start thinking, and think, well, why the hell should I? The world is ruled by idiots, and populated by other idiots with interminable urges to poke holes in each other. It's entirely feasible, given the global political climate, at every New Year that nobody will see another, whether thanks to terrorism - religious or otherwise - or climate or rampant militarily-backed imperialism. For all we know, the lunatics peddling their extreme (and, arguably, false) view of Islam could incite a worldwide war which, with modern weaponry, could be over in days. The future is uncertain as at no other point since the Cuban Missile Crisis, and so, in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter if I get a job or not?
It's not helpful thinking, I know. Almost certainly the world will continue; almost certainly my depression will eventually clear and I'll be back to my old self (Wonder if I'll recognise me after all these years?); and with any luck, this summer will bring the most professional MP unit ever to grace an airsoft milsim game.
And so, with that rather elegant mixture of profound and superficial, of cynicism and optimism, of vague hope and absolute tedium, Happy New Year to you (all three of you), and here's hoping your coming year is better than the previous one.
¹ - Money, in this area, quite likely coming straight from the taxpayer. Social Security fraud in this particular suburb is rampant - something which adds (financial) injury to insult.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-01 04:12 pm (UTC)I celebrates with some.."friends" with a great view over Stockholm. Shitloads of people at Slussen, I mostly found the whole idea of alcohol, people you barely like, fireworks with no idea behind them, and the idea to wait until its midnight to have scream and shout is not only silly, but retarded at best. Have you seen the tv show "Dexter" ? I feel very much like him in the sense that I see things from the outside, and then they are really stupid.
oh well, happy new year
Anton