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Role-Playing Games, And Why Gaming Sessions Never Start
Just a little story that popped into my head an hour ago, based on memories of long-forgotten games clubs. Recognise any of them?
Any thoughts?
The scene: a games club somewhere in Britain. A cluster of geeks is seated around a table covered in books, papers, pens and dice.
"All right, guys, characters. Any ideas? Race and name."
"Forsooth, I come from the Elven lands of Badhrillien. My name is Caradhras Mithrildir Aioli, of the line of Cair Dillanië. I am third Plinthril in line to the Noble Palindin of..."
“Yeah, okay, Steve, we haven’t started yet. Sam?”
“i wanna be a vampire.”
“Um... okay. Thought of a name?”
“Marigold Lucretia Von, er, Shadow...ski.”
“Sounds kinda female to me, Sam. Are you doing another female character with big, er, attributes and maxed-out Charisma?”
“No, hey, this one’s all new, Nick. This one’s got, like, really big boobs, and, and, like, she’s all in kinda black leather, with, y’know, the kinda diamond cut out for the cleavage, and-”
“Okay, someone’s got to take away Sam’s modem. Sam, you can play a female vampire if she wears ordinary clothes, has no more than twelve in Appearance, and - let me make this absolutely clear - doesn’t try to have sex with everything.”
“Can she still have the boobs?”
“If I say no, will it stop you imagining her with them anyway?”
“No.”
“Okay then.”
“Oh, can I play someone with big boobs too, Nick?”
“Chris, if you didn’t live on Coke and pizza, you wouldn’t already have a set. No you can’t.”
“I’ll just use Azif, then, the Kirbyite assassin.”
“Okay, but roll him up as a starting character.”
“Hang on.” [rummages] “Level three? I’ve got the old sheet right here.”
[sighs] “Fair enough. Quentin, what about... oh, who are you?”
“Sally. I’m Quentin’s girlfriend.”
“You brought your girlfriend?”
“Wait, Q-ball’s got a girlfriend?”
“Shut up, Sam. Sally, you want to play?”
("How did Quenty manage to find a girlfriend without a bike pump, anyway?")
("Shut up you too, Dave.")
“Yeah, all right. Can I be the boot?”
“It’s, um, not quite like that. Er, Steve, can you...”
[immersed in page 278 of character history and family tree] “Can’ttalknowbusy.”
“Okay. Quentin, you’ve got your character all ready?”
“Yeah, all rolled up and ready. Norgle, a goblin bard.”
“Great. You can walk Sally through making a character while I help Dave.”
“Sure. We’re using fourteenth edition revised, right?”
“No, fourteenth edition revised and expanded, with the version four additional ruleset.”
“Shit.”
“What?”
“I’ve only got the generators for fourteenth revised and revised, expanded and tweaked on my laptop, not R&E.”
“Um, Quentin, have you even seen a pen and paper since 1989? Just do it manually... DAVE, what about you?”
“Dwarf. Warrior. He’s short, with a beard. His name’s Stunty McShort.”
“Yeah, you’re not calling him that.”
“Shorty McStunt?.”
“No.”
“Lofty McTall?”
“Dave, I know you haven’t got over the heresy that was sixth edition, and I know that third edition adjusted was the One True Way, but could you at least try?”
“Fine. Timli, son of Groin.”
“About as good as it’s going to get, I suppose. Roll stats, anyone who hasn’t already... Steve, you got the damn gold dice after all?”
“They were on sale. Only a hundred quid for the pack of twelve.”
“Oh, okay. Everyone, let’s beat Steve to death with our books.”
“What about the game?”
“The game’ll still be here in ten minutes.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Any thoughts?
Role-playing games
(Anonymous) 2008-03-14 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)/M
Re: Role-playing games