![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
How to identify a chav
Dec. 15th, 2005 12:42 pmOn the Fictionalley Park forums (in this thread) alexia75 posted a rather amusing Chav version of the Christmas story (see the cut), which... um... set me off on a bit of an anti-muppet tirade. Just a bit.
( Read more... )
"So these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling..."
Great sentence, and also Exhibit A in the case of Civilisation Vs The Chavs. Don't get me started on the buggers....
Oh, and they always drive hatchbacks, don't they? Bung an extra exhaust pipe on; doesn't matter if it's actually connected to anything, as long as there are at least four "phat pipes" sticking out the back of their obscene pile of mutant scrap.
And then, of course, they have to drill a few holes in the working exhaust pipe; what's the point in looking a prat if no one can hear you coming? You need some advance warning to get the [I]heavy[/I] weapons out, after all...
This is much the same principle as the eleven subwoofers they install like great magnetic carbuncles. And then they open the windows so the whole world can hear their dreadful taste in so-called "music".
Ah, but that's just the start.
Next they have to paint their cars some stupid colour like gloss purple, or Ponce Gold, or Dulux No. 14 Magnolia. And install a spoiler - can't drive anyfin' wivou' a spoiler, right, innit? (I saw a van once which had been painted gloss blue and with a spoiler installed - but flush with the top of the van, so it would fit into the garage. Talk about missing the point.)
And then the wheels. Tasteful rims that might look good are a no-no; they've got to be bling, after all. If in doubt, go for gold and shiny.
Oh, and what about the custom plates? What's the point, after all, in driving a car unless you can tell the world that you're an utter 4R53?
This produces, in summary, a vehicle eminently suited to driving up and down the High Street 47 times every weeknight, picking up "birds" with the same dreadful taste in everything, who think that tracksuits are cool and exercise (judging from the lard buckets here in Scotland) is not. If you keep the neighbours awak (in Uruguay), you are successful.
All in all, the above are among the easiest ways of demonstrating your street cred, showing that you're immensely cool, and getting 'spect from all your mates, imbeciles that they are.
They also demonstrate to the rest of the world that you are a pillock.
'Sup.
( Read more... )
"So these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling..."
Great sentence, and also Exhibit A in the case of Civilisation Vs The Chavs. Don't get me started on the buggers....
Oh, and they always drive hatchbacks, don't they? Bung an extra exhaust pipe on; doesn't matter if it's actually connected to anything, as long as there are at least four "phat pipes" sticking out the back of their obscene pile of mutant scrap.
And then, of course, they have to drill a few holes in the working exhaust pipe; what's the point in looking a prat if no one can hear you coming? You need some advance warning to get the [I]heavy[/I] weapons out, after all...
This is much the same principle as the eleven subwoofers they install like great magnetic carbuncles. And then they open the windows so the whole world can hear their dreadful taste in so-called "music".
Ah, but that's just the start.
Next they have to paint their cars some stupid colour like gloss purple, or Ponce Gold, or Dulux No. 14 Magnolia. And install a spoiler - can't drive anyfin' wivou' a spoiler, right, innit? (I saw a van once which had been painted gloss blue and with a spoiler installed - but flush with the top of the van, so it would fit into the garage. Talk about missing the point.)
And then the wheels. Tasteful rims that might look good are a no-no; they've got to be bling, after all. If in doubt, go for gold and shiny.
Oh, and what about the custom plates? What's the point, after all, in driving a car unless you can tell the world that you're an utter 4R53?
This produces, in summary, a vehicle eminently suited to driving up and down the High Street 47 times every weeknight, picking up "birds" with the same dreadful taste in everything, who think that tracksuits are cool and exercise (judging from the lard buckets here in Scotland) is not. If you keep the neighbours awak (in Uruguay), you are successful.
All in all, the above are among the easiest ways of demonstrating your street cred, showing that you're immensely cool, and getting 'spect from all your mates, imbeciles that they are.
They also demonstrate to the rest of the world that you are a pillock.
'Sup.
