Words Of Wisdom (and a lot of bollocks)

I'm just off to kip, but after going through my desk I found a bunch of little bits of paper on which I've jotted down random thoughts that seemed amusing, apt or suitably mad at the time. Accuracy is not necessarily a feature; at least one of them can be misinterpreted, but I left it in because it's a good pun. No prizes for guessing which one I mean.

I'm pretty sure one or two - or possibly more - of them are original, and I suspect that at least one or two are half-remembered bits I've pinched from other people. Feel free to quote me on any of them.

"The main reason we won World War Two was that, though our tanks were pants, the German ones were pantser."

"Racism is just a pigment of your imagination."

"No matter how stupid the idea, there's always some idiot who'll put it on a t-shirt."

"Four packets McCoys S&V crisps, one bottle Irn-Bru, sign up for tutorials..."


Oh, sorry, that last note wasn't supposed to be there. That's the problem with Post-Its.